a portrait of sisterhood: rhonda and rachel

Posted on May 4, 2015 by johnny and ginger

When I decided to begin the series, A Portrait of Sisterhood, I knew the first love story I needed to share was Rachel and Rhonda’s. I work, and do life, with these two beauties. Their friendship has spanned decades, has walked through joyous mornings and the darkest nights, only to become stronger for of it. They have vibrant marriages and some of the most wonderful children you could ever meet. Rhonda has four girls, Rachel has two sons (plus a third in the adoption process), and the joy in these kids is palpable. They are such a testament to the way their parents love them.

Their story is the perfect way to launch this series. To know Rachel and Rhonda is to love them, like a lot. These two love well, laugh hard and when you’re around them it feels like home. They possess courageous spirits, they love so deep, and they embody the heart of sisterhood. I know you’re going to love them as much as I do.

A Portrait Of Sisterhood: Rachel and Rhonda

Okay ladies, what was your first impression of each other?

Rachel: When I was 16 years old my boyfriend asked me to go pick up his best friend’s girlfriend from the airport. I had never met her and all I could think was I don’t know how I feel about this. But I picked her up and we went to Taco Bell. Our first conversation ever was about how disgusting Taco Bell truly is. It bonded us together immediately. We laughed the entire two hour ride home. By the time she got out of the car I knew I loved her.

Rhonda: She was one of the people you meet and right away you feel safe and comfortable. You don’t really have to think about it, it just happens. That was us from the very beginning.

Since a lot of people reading this don’t know you ladies personally, tell me which celebrity or character the other reminds you of.

Rhonda: Easy. Angelina Jolie is one of the most beautiful women on earth and I love her heart for adoption. I always think that Andy and Rachel are like the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie of our community.

Rachel: Okay, I think Rhonda is like Cinderella. In the new movie there is a part where Cinderella’s mom says, “You have more kindness in your little finger than most people have in their whole body.” I have never known a moment, even in the hardest of times, where Rhonda was not kind. Life could be going crazy around her, maybe someone is being anything but kind, but she still chooses kindness. She exudes love.

Tell me a favorite memory of your friendship.

Rachel: When I was 18 we both went on a trip to India. I was really sick. There were a couple of times I thought I was going to die. I was in the hospital and… well how graphic do you want me to be?

I love the grit. Be as graphic as you want.

Rachel: Okay. I was in the hospital and so sick. They gave me a colonoscopy but didn’t put me under. Then they needed a stool sample…

Rhonda: I saw the inside of her.

Rachel: Yeah. That’s true. They needed a stool sample and I couldn’t do it because I was so sick. She literally picked it up…

 Rhonda: I grabbed it with my bare hands. I was like we need that! We need it!!

Rachel: Yep. They needed to test it. So she did what I couldn’t do. And the whole time I was in the hospital she never left my side. Ever.

Rhonda do you have another memory to share?

Rhonda: There are so many but that story emphasizes a place where you can be raw and you can be vulnerable and you can be broken but you can still be safe. When everything is falling apart but that person reminds you who you are and doesn’t leave. I feel like that’s the way our entire friendship has been. We can call each other and be really real in the moment and when one of us is weak the other one is strong. And when we’re both weak we cry out to God together. There are so many times that I’ve thought, thank God I get to share that with Rachel. Because just getting it out and knowing she’s praying makes the weight dissipate. We have gone to hell and back together many times, but we have also celebrated the victories. When you’ve been in the pit together, the mountain tops are more beautiful. I’m always inspired. I feel like when Rachel is attacked she comes back with her best material. There are so many times that I have been in awe of her.

One of my favorite stories about Rachel is from several years ago. She was having the hardest time when they were living in Michigan, it was terrible. I think it was the lowest she’s ever been. She was driving down the street in the middle of winter and saw a homeless woman on the side of the road with no boots. She was wearing her favorite boots so she pulled over, gave the homeless woman her boots, and walked back to her car through the snow,wearing only socks, and drove away. That’s who she is. That’s what comes out of her at the lowest points.

Rachel you have two sons who were adopted from South Korea, and now you’re in the process of adopting your third son. Each process has been long and incredibly difficult, how has Rhonda helped to carry you through?

Rachel: Ahhh. I’m going to cry. Okay. With my first son, Tysen, it was really hard, and her prayer and support helped get me through. But with our second son, Pax, there were so many times I felt like I couldn’t come to work, I felt like I couldn’t do anything because there was a constant battle. We didn’t even know for sure that he was going to come in the end. We had fought for this child for years and the thought of him never being home with us was too overwhelming.

One day our adoption agency called and said that the officials on the Korean side were calling everyone they could possibly find in country, who might be connected to our son, to see if they wanted him. This was two years into our process with him and I had no idea it was even a possibility. I got off the phone and I remember thinking, this must be what a miscarriage feels like. Am I losing a child right now? I called Rhonda right away, I couldn’t even talk I just burst into tears. She stayed on the phone, and let me cry. I even went in the bathroom and threw up. When I came back she was waiting on the phone for me. After it was all done, she was still there.

And that’s just one example of the three years we spent fighting for our son and Rhonda was always right there with me. I would not have made it through without her.

Rhonda: I was actually overdue pregnant with my youngest while Rachel was in Korea waiting to find out if they would be able to bring Pax home. It was almost like my body wouldn’t go into labor until there was a breakthrough with Pax.

Rachel: She told me, “I will not go into labor until Pax is yours.” I kept telling her that it could be weeks. I almost lied to her and told her we had him so she would go into labor. But then we really did get him and the first thing I did was call Rhonda and tell her she could go into labor now. And she did.

Rhonda: I did. I had Wren immediately.

Rhonda your third daughter, Amiah, has special needs. How has Rachel helped to carry you through the challenges that have come as a result?

Rhonda: The day I found out that something was wrong with my baby, the first ultrasound where they knew there was a problem, I was alone. My husband was teaching, I couldn’t get ahold of him immediately. So I called Rachel. At that point they were saying she most likely had Down Syndrome, and when I told Rachel she was ecstatic. She raved about how they are the most precious and sweet children. Her opinion and perspective was what I needed to hear and it comforted my heart so deeply. She was right and she spoke what I knew in my heart to be true.

Then throughout the whole process of my pregnancy with Amiah and her actual diagnosis of Phelan-McDermid Syndrome, Rachel walked with me. Neither of us had spent much time around the special needs community, we didn’t have family members or close friends with special needs. We had compassion but not experience. Then suddenly our eyes were opened to an entire vibrant world we hadn’t realized was so beautiful, all thanks to Amiah. Together we gained a heart for this community and when I felt like I was supposed to start a special needs ministry at our church, Rachel came with me to help. She just came. Not because she had to. Because she wanted to.

Tell me about a time that your friendship was put to the test, how did you walk through that?

Rhonda: We haven’t had any major conflicts, but there has been distance when our lives have taken us to different places. Sometimes physical distance can create distance in a friendship but there is something about our friendship that has kept us tight knit. We have never drifted apart even when we’ve lived far from each other.

But we have said things to each other that are really really honest, really risky, and we can get away with it. I can say things to her that no one else can and she can say things to me that others wouldn’t.

Rachel: Even when there was physical distance, we always made a way to get plane tickets or to call or text regularly. We make each other a priority.

Rhonda: And you know that call you need to make when you’re in the depths of despair? We have always known we can make that call to each other no matter what. We don’t have to walk that struggle alone.

So, what does sisterhood mean to you?

Rachel: I have walked through a lot of struggles in my relationships with women in the past several years. Those difficult relationships have made me want to be even more of a true friend to the women in my life. I want to protect them. I want to protect their marriages. I want to protect their children. There are so many terrible things that happen in our world between women, how we treat each other, how we compare ourselves, how we compete, and on and on, so when I have a friend in my life I want to treat her with the deepest love and most faithful friendship.

Rhonda: I love people. I can’t make it without sisterhood. I won’t make it. If I’m in a situation for too long where true sisterhood and real relationship don’t exist, something inside of me starts to die. I need those deep connections and those safe places. And I need to be that for other people too. I actually get homesick if I’m in a situation for too long without that. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. So often we hear people talk about their loneliness and it breaks my heart. I know that sisterhood is one of God’s greatest provisions for us as women, to combat loneliness, but we have to choose it.

You are both part of a movement within our ministry called Brave Love. Is there anything you want to share in regards to your passion for this movement?

Rhonda: Brave Love is sisterhood. It makes sure to chase down the coldest hearts and says that no heart is too hard to go after, to love, to pursue. Brave Love risks everything and allows vulnerability and brokenness. It’s how we were created to love as women. But so many of us are wounded and hurt from past relationships. Brave Love challenges you to fight for sisterhood even when you feel too weak.

What would you say to women who feel so hurt by past friendships that they no longer want to pursue sisterhood?

Rhonda: There is no breakthrough without sisterhood. To heal a heart hurt by sisterhood we need each other. If we give up altogether then we miss a whole aspect of what we need, of what God has provided for us. It’s a risk to put yourself out there after being hurt, but it is how you will find healing.

Rachel: I also think it’s an opportunity every time you walk into a room and feel uncomfortable, wonder what she is thinking about you, and your insecurities rush in. You can run or you can choose Brave Love, choose sisterhood. If you see past the outer appearance of a situation and search for the true heart of a woman you have an opportunity to break down walls and to fight for friendship.

Rhonda: Yeah, I was thinking how as women we are life bringers. We get to bring life to each other. There is life in our relationships but that also means we have the power to bring death. After experiencing that difficult side of sisterhood, it can be scary to open yourself back up again but that part of God’s imprint on us, to give life, is huge. We need each other, we need to lean in. It’s worth it to step out and try again. It’s worth the risk.

a portrait of sisterhood.

Posted on May 3, 2015 by johnny and ginger

For a long time there has been a dream living in my heart. This post is just the beginning of seeing that dream come true and I could not be more excited to share it with you.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a piece called, Five Reasons To Fight For Sisterhood. I shared my story of resisting true friendships with women and my journey toward realizing how desperately women need each other.

With everything in me I believe that women were created for community. I know we were designed to do life side by side.

But so many of us put up walls. We feel the need to protect ourselves from other women. Experience has taught us that other women are the enemy. We compete, compare and judge.

Comparison is the poison that devastates community.

And to be honest, I’m over it.

We can do better.

And it starts right now.

The battle cry behind the “A Portrait Of Sisterhood” series is simple.

In a world where we are bombarded by stories of broken relationships and remnants of sisterhood, we need to hear some love stories. This series will feature interviews and photographs and videos of real women telling their friendship love story.

These stories do not paint an idealistic portrait of sisterhood. They will showcase the real, the raw, the struggle, the brokenness, the healing, the restoration, the redemption and the power of sisterhood.

I believe that as more and more women read these love stories, a movement of women realizing that sisterhood is worth fighting for will be born.

I believe we can save sisterhood and my hope is that these stories will be a catalyst for that change.

Tomorrow I will share the first portrait. The love story of two true beauties that I have the honor of doing life with. Rachel and Rhonda have fought for each other and walked together through some of the darkest storms of their lives. They have advocated in hospital rooms for each other, given away the shoes on their feet and raised some of the most amazing kids I’ve ever known. And they’ve done all of this with joy and determination and side by side.

I’ve shared a quick sneak peek of their story in the video below. Watch it, fall in love with them because they’re wonderful, and come back tomorrow to hear their whole story!

five reasons to fight for sisterhood.

Posted on April 13, 2015 by johnny and ginger

I spent most of my free time during high school in the basement of a dear friend, sitting on an old couch, and watching Wrestlemania. It’s hard to picture. I know. But there I was. Me. Maybe one other girl. And lots of dudes.

Because I was one of the guys. Because girls are too much drama. Because I just get along better with boys.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

I’ll tell you what I was really doing.

I was searching for as much attention as possible from the opposite sex, and I was avoiding friendships with girls like the plague because girls are scary, and mean and they judge you with their eyes.

High school ended. Then there was college. My first job. Marriage. Babies.

Somehow those adolescent insecurities followed me through it all.

A few persistent women forced their way through my carefully constructed walls, and I eventually learned to love them. Trust them. Need them.

Today, they are the foundation of my passion for sisterhood.

But I get it. I hear your protest. I know you’ve been hurt. I know the scars still sting. I know not all friendships can be saved. I know you feel battle weary and the last thing you want to do is put your heart on the line again. I know she broke your heart. You probably broke hers too. I know she didn’t end up being the person you believed she was. I know promises were broken.

I know it’s easier to text your husband. Binge on Netflix. Stay busy with the kids. Or scroll through Pinterest. Anything is easier than admitting you are lonely. I mean, you are busy, and you are needed, maybe you even have a large family and a doting spouse. You’ll be fine.

I hear you. I have been you.

You can survive without sisterhood.

But can you really live?

Without sisterhood there is loneliness.

I believe that as women we are our best in community with each other. I also believe that we are all human and every single one of us has hurt someone we care about and most likely each one of us has been hurt by someone we love. This is the reality of relationship.

Sisterhood is an enormous risk. Sisterhood is scary. Sisterhood can make you feel like the awkward thirteen year old version of yourself watching the popular girls walk past while you pick food out of your rainbow-colored braces and try to hide your giant nose pimple behind a novel.

Sisterhood can be terribly uncomfortable in the beginning. Like a new pair of shoes. You will probably get blisters. You might even bleed a little bit. But once they’re worn in there is nothing else in the world you would rather wear.

It’s okay if you don’t believe me. It’s also okay if you sort of wish you could slap me because how dare I assume that every single woman needs sisterhood. And why is she talking about blisters? I understand how crazy I might sound. But experiencing true sisterhood can prove even the staunchest critic wrong.

I’m not here to convince you I’m right. I’m here to share five reasons sisterhood is worth fighting for, and then you can decide for yourself.

five reasons to fight for sisterhood

Sisterhood tells you when you have food in your teeth. She has your back no matter what and she will always tell you the truth. Because no one wants to walk around with food in their teeth or toilet paper stuck to their shoe or live in a toxic dating relationship without someone telling them the truth. It might be difficult, and awkward and you might be mad at her for a minute but at the end of the day you know sisterhood loves the crap out of you and that’s why she will tell you things no one else will.
Sisterhood comes to your pity party just to kick your ass back to reality. We have all spent days buried under the covers feeling sorry for ourselves. Sisterhood knows when we need her to cuddle up next to us and she also knows when we’re milking it for all it’s worth. Then she drags us out of the depths, kicking and screaming, and reminds us how wonderful the world can be and that we should really become human again. We resist but eventually all the sunshine and all the chocolate and the ~~obnoxious~~ persistent sister convince us that the hermit life is not the best life.
Sisterhood doesn’t pass out when you give birth. Husbands might but sisterhood won’t. Sisterhood holds your legs, tells you to push when all you want to do is scream. And that is how sisterhood loves you through each and every storm in your life. She cheers you on, carries you when necessary, and she knows you can when you’re positive you cannot.
Sisterhood loves you deeper than is expected and longer than is convenient. Everyone is annoying sometimes. I am. You are. Sisterhood loves you even then. She loves all of you. She loves all of me. It’s crazy and nearly incomprehensible to think that we could be loved that deeply, but it’s true. Sisterhood knows your secrets, has seen your worst, has heard it all, and it doesn’t change how her heart loves you. Not one tiny little bit. Distance doesn’t matter. Time doesn’t matter. Your kids screaming in the background of your phone call doesn’t matter. She is truly, madly, deeply committed to loving you and you are just going to have to live with that.
Sisterhood doesn’t knock. and it borrows your favorite dress without asking. The greatest gift of sisterhood is that it is home. It doesn’t feel like home. It doesn’t remind you of home. It is home. Sisterhood throws her doors wide open and says come on in, how rude of you to knock. Help yourself to some food. I’ll be busy letting myself into your house and borrowing that dress I love and probably grabbing some tampons because I’m out and those things are stinking expensive. Sisterhood doesn’t ask your permission to do life with you, it just does. Because that’s what sisters do.

So you see, it’s worth the fight. It’s worth the messy of relationship. Because the good is so much greater than the bad.

You will definitely have to step outside of your comfort zone. I’m not saying you have to decide to love manicures if you don’t, or that you have to go to Crossfit if yoga is your jam. I’m not saying you have to be best friends with every woman you meet. No. I’m saying put yourself out there. Have real conversations. And see what happens.

You might connect most deeply with women who have the same passions as you. Or you may find some of the women who become your closest friends are your total opposite. They might introduce you to new things you never would have tried otherwise. Maybe you will teach them about something they will grow to love.

Maybe you will find a little bit of both. Because no two friendships look exactly the same.

You might get hurt again. You might not. But once you find true sisterhood, it will make the entire journey worth it. You can quote me, the one who fought against the idea of sisterhood for way too long, on that.

There are incredible stories of sisterhood surrounding us and so often we don’t get to hear them. Everyone asks to hear a couple’s love story. Well, what about our sisterhood stories? We need to hear these stories and be reminded that sisterhood is important and wonderful and worth it.

Next week I will be launching a blog series called “A Portrait of Sisterhood”.

A Portrait of Sisterhood will be a series of posts highlighting friendships. I am currently interviewing and photographing incredible women and cannot wait to share their real stories with you. Sisterhood is not easy, but when I listen to their stories I am reminded over and over again that sisterhood is so worth it. I cannot wait to share these incredible women with you. I hope and pray that more and more stories will be brought to my attention to share with the world because let’s face it, we need to hear them!

my comment section. my call.

Posted on April 12, 2015 by johnny and ginger

I wrote a blog post last week called “hi. my sons have long hair. now watch your mouth.” It was about my sons having long hair, yes. But at its heart it was a thought piece on how as adults we need to think before we speak to children. Something about this post connected with a large audience and it has been shared thousands of times.

As the number of shares grew, I was very prepared for commenters who disagree with my stance or who wanted to offer a different point of view. I was actually looking forward to it. I enjoy hearing varying opinions, I love intelligent conversation, and I learn so much from people with a world view different from my own.

The reaction to my post was overwhelmingly positive, but inevitably I began (and will probably continue) to get comments from people who think I am a terrible person for letting my sons have long hair. And they made sure I knew exactly how they felt. Not only did they go to extremes to let me know how they felt, they also missed the entire point of my post.

As I read a comment from one such person, let’s call him Bill, using the most colorful language possible and calling my sons names that would make Miley Cyrus blush, I was once again reminded what a gross place the internet can be.

I also felt sorry for Bill who found it necessary to rip other people apart with his words. I don’t know Bill, and he doesn’t know me. Maybe he is actually a really nice person, maybe something I said hit a chord with him and made him defensive, maybe he was having a super bad day, or maybe he just genuinely hates it when little boys have long hair. I will never know. But what I do know for sure is that, no matter what, my comment section will never be a gross part of the internet.

It can be a place for encouragement, education, support, debate, disagreement, polite confrontation. Sure. All day every day I will be okay with that. I invite it. Let’s talk. Like adults.

This is not the first, nor will it be the last, time I have received comments that stopped me in my tracks and reminded me how public my writing can become. I write a post in the privacy of my own living room and then suddenly the entire world has access. It is overwhelming. And scary. And really sort of incredible. I made a choice to share my thoughts, my opinions, my life, my family. It is not a choice that I take lightly and I understand what it means.

The evils of the internet are real. So is the amazing, life changing power the internet has to create community and relationships and conversations that never would have happened otherwise. I choose to embrace that reality and I understand making that choice means also dealing with the uglier side of the blogosphere.

However, I do not have to let people say whatever they want whenever they want without any repercussions. Enter my decision to put a comment section policy into place for this tiny little blog. I’m a huge fan of the New York Times comments policy and after reading it I realized how necessary it truly is to moderate the conversation in the space I am responsible for. I want to help guide wonderful conversations, not enable internet trolls. And by putting it into writing I don’t have to explain it to every single commenter who begins to cross the line, I can just link them right back here and ask them to comply or find another site to stir up trouble on. My hope is that this policy will make reading my blog an enjoyable experience for the overwhelming majority of my readers who are here for all the right reasons.

johnnyandginger.com Comment Section Policy

Valid email address required. All commenters must provide a valid email address to leave a comment. This address is never made public and will only be used if the need arises to contact you in regards to a comment.
Zero tolerance policy for abuse. Comments that contain profanity, obscene language, personal attacks, or bullying of any kind will be deleted immediately. Repeat offenders will be blocked from commenting permanently. End of story.
Difference of opinion welcome. Commenters are welcome to disagree and discuss topics relevant to the post in a civil and respectful manner. If a conversation spirals into an abusive place the comments will then be deleted.
Relevant links allowed. Please feel free to leave a link in your comment to a relevant blog or article. Links to irrelevant sites will be deleted.
Editorial discretion. I agree to manage the comments on this page by these guidelines but reserve the right to make exceptions when necessary.
Have fun. I love the internet and its potential for community. Enjoy your time here, learn something, meet someone and join in the discussion.

You guys, I’m gonna be honest. There is part of me that gets so overwhelmed worrying about each comment and each person who disagrees with me and tells me so in less than classy ways. Sometimes I think maybe I should just pack it up and move off the grid. And then I remember how my life has changed for the absolute best thanks to the community I have found on Instagram and Facebook and in this crazy blogosphere. The truth is that the beautiful is so much more amazing than the people who try to ruin it for everyone. So if you’re dealing with unkind strangers online and wondering why you even stick around, remember that there is a richness and a rawness and a depth of community here that wasn’t even possible not that many years ago. It isn’t perfect but let’s use the internet as a tool to spread love and community and a couple more cat videos. Or maybe just the first two.

(print courtesy of Lines of Grace)

thirty-two things i’ve learned about being a mama.

Posted on April 6, 2015 by johnny and ginger

Last week I turned thirty-two. So I figured, why not share a list of thirty-two things I have learned about being a mama? Naturally this post is fashionably late because some tiny people demanded every second of my attention and every ounce of my energy over the weekend and I had to write this list in between preparing snacks and wiping butts and building Lego sets and refereeing wrestling matches. They are so lucky they have dimples.

Thirty two things I have learned about being a mama.

Childbirth is painful. Babies are worth it.
Recovering from childbirth is NOTHING like they show on tv. It is messy and painful and exhausting and there is no mascara involved. Hollywood needs to stop the lies.
It is completely normal to drive away from the hospital, or birthing center, or exit the birthing tub in your living room, with your newborn and be in literal shock that they handed you a tiny person and let you keep it. I mean what do you know about being responsible for an entire human being? Don’t worry. We’ve all been there. And our kids are just fine.
Yoga pants are always an option.
Simplicity is underrated.
There will always be a catastrophe the second you try to shower or nap or poop.
It’s not a TRUE catastrophe unless someone is bleeding.
Listening to your kids is not the same thing as really hearing them.
Embrace the minivan.
Comparison has the power to destroy me. And you. Fight it. Hard.
Target is out to steal all of our money and also to cause enormous embarrassing tantrum scenes in the Lego aisle. To avoid the tantrum, run past the toy aisles while covering your kids eyes. People will stare, but who the heck cares? You are winning at life.
Busy is not better. In fact it’s way worse.
Sugar is the enemy. The beautiful, delicious enemy out to destroy attitudes and teeth and bedtime.
Playing with your kids is never a waste of time. Even though your weapon sound effects are embarrassing and your super hero voices are laughable. All your kids notice is that you are there. With them. Doing something they love.
Jesus loves you. Even when your patience is short and your voice is sharp. Even when you’re locked in the bathroom hiding from your hurricane of a toddler and reminding yourself to breathe. And even when you’re tucked tight in bed bingeing on Friends and anything chocolate you can find.
Take the time to put yourself in your kids shoes. It will change how you parent. And teach them how lovely empathy is.
Other mamas are not the enemy. In fact we’re on the same team. Act like it.
Kids wake up earlier on the weekends. Netflix is your friend. Before you leave an opinionated comment about screen time, please reread number seventeen.
You will always be five minutes late, no matter how many empty threats or weak bribes you throw at your kids, they just won’t stop taking time to enjoy every tiny stick and bug and spider they see. Maybe you need to take a lesson from them on enjoying the little things. Also you should probably leave ten minutes earlier.
Notice the wonderful in your kids more than you notice the naughty. Then take the time to tell them.
Assume the best of your kids. Of other kids. Of other parents. Of yourself.
Prayer is powerful.
It truly does take a village. Ask for help. Offer help. We are so much stronger together.
You will never take sleep for granted ever again. Or having more than four inches of your own bed to sleep on. Or privacy. Or peace and quiet. Or your waistline. Or peeing alone.
Whining is mama kryptonite. If our kids ever find out they will officially win.
Selective hearing is the super power every child is born with. They perfect their skills at a very young age. Be vigilant.
Dance parties can instantaneously fix almost any problem.
Grace is a gift. Give it. Receive it. Live in it.
Poop jokes bring kids endless amounts of joy. If you tell a poop joke you are automatically the coolest parent. Ever.
Trust yourself. You have totally got this.
Live a life worthy of your kids imitation. Let them see you make mistakes. Hear you ask for forgiveness. Watch you pray, read, serve, laugh and love deep. Oh, and being silly. Definitely let them see you being silly.
Your kids are not perfect. You are not perfect. But you are perfect for each other.

this is why i love hashtags.

Posted on July 19, 2014 by johnny and ginger

I love hashtags.

A lot.

I considered naming our new puppy, Hashtag because I thought it was hilarious. Don’t worry. I was mostly joking…

If you know me. You know I love a good hashtag. The more ridiculous the better. But poor old hashtags aren’t usually taken very seriously. Take, for instance, this conversation with my husband tonight.

Husband: Is it okay with you if I go out tonight? I know I’ve been gone a lot this week. (He’s the best.)

Me: Oh no, it’s okay. I have a blog post to write anyway. I’m going to write about how much I love hashtags.

Husband: (long pause) (hysterical laughter)

I knew I could get a good laugh out of him by putting it that way. But I wasn’t lying, exaggerating or being sarcastic.

Hashtags are one of my very favorite things. Ever.

Now before you laugh at me hysterically too, let me tell you why.

Hashtags were created to connect people and build community.

I understand the selfie hashtag probably isn’t building too many new lifelong friendships (Maybe it is. Who really knows?) And I 100% recognize the destructive nature of many hashtags that exist. This post is not to dispute that or say that all hashtags are created equal. This post is meant to hopefully give you a little chuckle at my admitted obsession, but also to show you the wonderful power of this weird social media feature when used one of the ways I believe it was originally intended.

I love community. I live for relationship. Connection. Sisterhood. Family. Team. People.

I have spent the greater part of the past six years fighting chronic illness. For several of those years we weren’t even sure what I was sick with. It took every. single. ounce. of my strength and energy to feed and clothe my kids. Some days I succeeded. Most days my husband had to come home from work early after yet another phone call and desperate plea from me because I simply couldn’t finish the day on my own. (Did I mention he is the best?)

So there I was. A stay at home mom, struggling with things all moms of young kids struggle with, and also fighting for my health. Fighting for my life back. Watching life happen around me. Craving connection and friendship but too sick to leave the house for play dates or girls nights. During that time I found the strange new app, Instagram. I’m going to sounds dramatic again, but I literally had no idea how much that little app would change my life.

I started documenting our life. The lame life that it was at the time.

I added filters with gusto.

Mayfair! Valencia! Early bird! Lo-fi!!!!

I was reckless and out of control. Isn’t everyone when they’re falling in love?

But my life didn’t really change until I discovered hashtags. I remember browsing the suggested user list on Instagram and seeing lots of number signs followed by words. Finally I started to get the hang of it. Filters AND hashtags? I was unstoppable.

Slowly I began to see the potential for real connection through these hashtags. I found parenting hashtags, crafting hashtags, chronic illness hashtags, clean eating hashtags. I browsed them for hours. It’s a little embarrassing. But true. When you spend most of your time in bed, you find yourself with lots of tag browsing time. As I scrolled and scrolled through these tags filled with photos, I began to visit the galleries of the people I was finding. I began to connect with other moms. Other crafters. Other photographers. We built relationships. We started doing life together. And not just the picture perfect parts. We talked about the hard. The ugly. The scary. The overwhelming. We started to talk outside of social media. We read books together and had online book clubs. We grieved miscarriages and illnesses and hard moves and life’s ever-changing seasons. We celebrated birthdays and new babies and grand adventures. We told the truth. We admitted our weaknesses. We encouraged each other. We took the crazy technology in this modern world of ours and we did what people have done for centuries.

We made friends.

And even at that, some of you will chuckle. And say, “Friends? From social media? Yeah right.”

To which I say, I understand your skepticism. My husband chuckled at me the first time I referred to my friend Jess as such. I believe his exact words were, “She’s from Instagram. She’s not your friend.” As if she weren’t real or the connection we had couldn’t possibly exist.

Two years later we’re still friends and my husband would be the first to admit that the friendships I have made through social media are some of the most wonderful relationships in my life.

Slowly I progressed, became stronger. I began to see hope, believe in healing. As I crawled my way back to some sense of normalcy, I realized how dear these friendships were to my heart and knew I needed to pursue building them further. So far I have spent time in “real life” with seven of my friends from Instagram, and their families. I chat with several more on a regular basis. And in September I’m speaking at a homeschool conference for a couple hundred women, almost all of whom have been connected because of Instagram. And it all started with each of us browsing hashtags and finding people we connected with.

Do you see the power? The wonderful potential?

However, as with all things wonderful, we must not be blinded by the beauty. Remember it doesn’t end with liking a photo or retweeting a tweet. If that’s all the depth there is then I understand why people think social media is a waste of time and takes away from real life and real friends and real community. But I would argue that when used the right way, social media, and all of its endless hashtags, has the power to build and ignite community in a way that our world has never seen before. If we take the extra steps. Go out on a limb. Take a road trip and meet that friend. Go to a conference even if you’re nervous about it. Step out from behind the screen and hug in real life. If meeting in person isn’t possible yet, talk on the phone, FaceTime, send care packages. Allow social media to be a tool to create community, not a substitute for the real thing.

Community encourages, challenges, loves, grows, listens, believes, and heals. And I think hashtags are one of the best community building tools around.

#callmecrazy #ilovehashtags

dear instagram. an open letter.

Posted on May 14, 2014 by johnny and ginger

Dear Instagram,

You don’t know me, but I am so thankful for you. And I feel like it’s time you know why.

It might sound dramatic, or maybe not since I think this was your intention from the beginning, but either way it’s the absolute truth.

Instagram has forever changed my life.

How you ask? How has your tiny little app made such an enormous impact on my life?

My love for art has grown. But I could have just gone to a museum.
My purpose in photography has matured. But I could have bought an inspirational photography book.
My creativity, my technical skills, have developed by learning from photographers who inspire me. But I could have taken a couple college courses instead.

So what makes Instagram special?

Somewhere in the midst of all this learning, an even more wonderful thing was happening. A vibrant, supportive, encouraging, loving community was developing all around me.

And what a gift it has been.

Because of Instagram…
I have developed friendships that cannot be confined within this tiny square.
I have met women who challenge me daily.
I have an army of moms I learn from, am inspired by, who I call friends.
I have hugged some of these usernames in real life.
I communicate regularly with dozens of mamas I never would have met without the gift of Instagram.

There are countless others with stories just like mine.

And I found every friendship, connection, inspiration, through Feature Pages.

Every. Single. One.

Feature pages on Instagram are so much more than a brief moment in the spotlight and maybe a couple new followers. Feature pages pave the way for connection. Feature pages provide inspiration. Feature pages allow community to flourish.

There are thousands of close-knit communities on Instagram. That’s the beauty of the world you have created for us. Let me tell you about the community that has played an irreplaceable role in my life.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the mom community on Instagram is a force to be reckoned with. These are some of the most sensational women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Ask any one of us and we will talk you ear off about the countless friendships we have made through Instagram. We will tell you how we support each other. How we choose to be real with each other. How we share the good, the bad and the super ugly. We have watched each other’s kids grow up. We send birthday gifts. We grieve together when tragedy strikes. For a lot of us, hardly a day goes by that we aren’t texting or calling or group messaging, just to check on each other and laugh about a stressful day.

Being a mom is wonderful, exhilarating, exciting, overwhelming and exhausting. And often a little bit lonely. The opportunity for community that Instagram provides, has created a beautiful way for moms to connect. Mamas who probably never would have met otherwise.

And all thanks to Feature Pages.

Suddenly. Without warning. Those children’s photography Feature Pages have been shut down by Instagram. Feature Pages that have the support of, and are run by, the mama community. Feature Pages that only feature photos tagged to them. Feature Pages that always credit the original photographer. Feature Pages that have brought thousands of us together. Gone. No explanation. No warning. Confusing emails. Tidbits of information. No clear answers.

Why is this happening?

We love Instagram.

This letter is not about arguing or fighting or demanding anything. We are so thankful for this community. We trust that Instagram has the best interest of its users and community at heart. We have wondered if these pages being shut down is in response to the few profiles that steal photos, or the inappropriate role-playing sites. If so, then thank you for taking action to try and protect our photos and our children.

But please hear our humble request.

Please don’t take our community from us.

We are more than willing to make modifications to our feature pages to follow any new or existing guidelines that we were not aware of. We are willing to change our methods. We are willing to answer questions. We ask only that someone from Instagram address what is happening and tell us how we can work together to protect and grow this community. We asks for our accounts to be reactivated so that our community can continue to grow and encourage and love each other.

You have said the purpose of Instagram is to, “capture and share the world’s moments”. In all of that sharing, something amazing is happening. Thank you for that. Thank you for this community. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart. And for the mama community on Instagram.

Kelsey
{@_cherishthemoment}

saving sisterhood.

Posted on May 7, 2014 by johnny and ginger

Little girls with string tied between their beds. Hiding giggles in pillows as they pass notes, dolls, and sisterhood back and forth on their homemade contraption. Footsteps coming. Flop down fast, try to trick daddy. Make him believe dreams are the only thing awake in this room. He peeks in the door. Sees eyes squeezed too tight, smiles playing at the corner of mouths, and hears the faintest attempt at fake snoring. He grins, closes the door, knowing this is more important than sleep.

It always will be.

This aching. This longing. This need. For each other.

Community. Connection. Sisterhood. Family.

Life is born and the first cries from a sweet new babe’s mouth beg for comfort, to be held close, to be wanted. Needed.

We are women. We were created for community. Designed to do life side by side.

But the world says no. Society screams stop. Experience teaches us to hold others at an arm’s length. View them as a threat. Assume the worst. Give no benefit of the doubt.

Then we turn on ourselves. Become more harsh than any critic would dream of being.

I must have it all together. Be the most successful. Be better than everyone. Then I will know success. I must dress flawless. Emulate airbrushed lies in magazines. I must devour the right parenting books and produce children who never bite me or throw tantrums in store aisles. I must keep up appearances. Put my best foot forward. No matter what the cost. This is where happiness is found.

Eventually our world screeches to a stop. Life happens around us. And we believe all of its lies.

We know we will never be what SHE is. We will never be that good. That talented. That beautiful. That successful. That carefree. That skinny. That crafty. That funny. That desirable. That intelligent. That perfect.

Comparison is the poison that devastates community.

Does it really matter if you breast feed or use formula? Cosleep or have separate rooms? Does making my own baby food make me a better person? Does slinging verbal abuse in the comments section of parenting articles mean I win? Does gossiping about the popular girls make you prettier? Does a brand name give me more worth? Does hurting someone else ever make me better? Happier?

No. No. Every time. No.

Defeat threatens. But hope prevails.

I have heard a whisper. Felt a stirring.
And I know that I am not the only one.

The rumbling is off in the distance but it is steadily growing louder, more powerful. I hear the voices, the hearts, the souls, of thousands of women who have decided to say…

Enough is enough.

Comparison will not steal my joy.
Comparison will not poison my sisterhood.
Comparison will not win.

Community.

Community is making a comeback.
Possibly one of the greatest and most important comebacks in all of history.
Think I’m exaggerating?
Think again.

When community thrives, when selflessness a servant’s heart reign, selfishness dies.
When community is the goal, competition, comparison, and mommy wars lose their sting.
When community exists, lives change.

Where community lives. Love reigns.

Imagine this world.

Open your eyes.

The rumbling is all around us. Community coming back to life.
In neighborhoods, in churches, in offices, in blogging communities, on social media.
Women are realizing we need each other.

Friendship rediscovered. True connection. Life to the full.

When you stop looking at someone, and their talents, and all of their beauty, and their allegedly Pinterest perfect life, as a threat, your eyes are opened to who they really are.

A woman. A wife. A mom. A heart and soul as weary, as exhausted and as lovely as you are.

This movement. This powerful force of women who challenge, encourage, and inspire me every single day. This wave that will change society forevermore. It starts small. Nearly too small to notice at first.

It starts with weary moms at Target smiling at each other so we know we’re not alone.

It starts in book clubs, and spinning classes and yoga studios.

It starts when we stop looking at each other through the eyes of comparison.

It starts when a tragedy happens and thousands of women on Instagram reach out to a family experiencing unbelievable loss.

It starts when we ask real questions and have real conversations and discover how desperately our soul was longing for friendship kindred.

It starts when we call out the beauty and the talents and the extraordinary we see in women around us.

It starts when we believe that we are our very best when we do life together.

It starts when a new mom has meals delivered to her door and her toilets scrubbed.

It starts when we introduce ourselves at playgrounds instead of staring at our phones.

It starts when there is no fear of judgement…
In asking for help.
In revealing our weaknesses.
In being vulnerable.
In speaking of the uglier parts of life.
In asking forgiveness when we are wrong.
In dying to the disease of pride.
In asking women we love to journey with us.
In admitting we need each other.

It starts with you. It starts with me.
And it is so time.

We’ve got this.

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(print courtesy of Lines of Grace)

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